and you said cock pushups were impossible
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
