If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Randomize
