I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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