I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
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To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
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He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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