So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
