Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
