I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
