i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize