You're so nebulous sometimes
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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