I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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