I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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