Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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