I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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