if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
