I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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