she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
