none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
