so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
