Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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