I think i sorta joined a cult last night
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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