Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
