She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
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