Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
