So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
