idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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