It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
