I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
