Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
