mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
