wanna go halves on a baby?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
