In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
