for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
