either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
