Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
