Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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