This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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