I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize