can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
