So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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