you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Congratulations! We have a period
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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