Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
