So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
