dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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