I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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