So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
