My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
