The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
