We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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