I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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