I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
