Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
