Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
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