Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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