I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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