Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
