1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
