It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
